The Best Worst Song

We all know about “pop music.”  It’s generally terrible, but just catchy enough that you find yourself coerced into buying/illegally downloading these terrible songs just to satiate the beast inside your head that sings them over and over again.

Radio stations, at least here, also seem to have a playlist of about 10 songs, which sometimes will coincide.  I love it when I’m listening to the radio and “Happy” by Pharrell starts playing.  It’s not the worst song in the world, but I’m tired of it.  So I change the station, only to hear it playing at exactly the same spot on another station, and a slightly different spot on a third station.  At that point, I’ll desperately flip through all my preset faves until I come to NPR and breathe a sigh of relief.  Is that what this world wants from me??  NPR?!  It’s educational; and I really don’t need that in my life.










But there are some songs that are worse than others.  Anything by Katy Perry, to me, is inherently annoying, but not irritating enough to change the station – I can usually just block it out.  Ke$ha/Kesha, on the other hand, is a bit more obnoxious.  And Pitbull?  I CAN’T EVEN!  I’ll listen to Shane Co. commercials before Pitbull.  (With apologies to his fans, because I know some awesome people who like his music.)

So the fact that Kesha and Pitbull made a song together is like a crime against humanity, in my opinion.  Of course it’s also a terrible song, and of course it’s also incredibly stupid.  Some of you may or may not know where this is going.  If you don’t, apologies….

WHAT EVEN IS IT?!  I have no idea, and I’m beginning to lose faith in the world.

timber 1

Okay, so she’s in a saloon wearing a bathing suit….

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…and now it’s a farm with a donkey.  Okay, I sorta get it, I mean it’s got a “ho-down” feel to it (yes I meant to spell it that way; I don’t know how to spell it properly, don’t care enough to google it).

timber 3

A yacht club?  Um, doesn’t really fit in, but whatevs, I guess…..  Pitbull’s from Florida or something, right?  Maybe I could see it, if I squint.

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timber 5

Now there’s a stripper in her underwear hanging out on the dock…

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…Wait, did he just say “I’m slicker than an oil spill?”  WAIT ARE THE LYRICS “Swing your butt round and round” FOR REAL?  NO!  Bad Pitbull!  That’s a BAD PITBULL, BAD!  NO!  Gross!

timber 7

Surprise surprise, Kesha’s in her underwear again, now on a farm lookin’ ghoulish, but I get it, she’s scary.

timber 8

OH now the donkey and chicken imagery makes sense… Ass and cocks, I get it.  Very clever.  And gross, mostly gross.

timber 9

I wish he would stop looking at us like this

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Now he’s harassing some sharks.  Like I sometimes have to tell dumb people at work: get your hand out of the water, and stop trying to touch the sharks!!  What’s the matter with you?!

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And a pig.  Because… porkin’?

timber 12

Putting the “ho” in “ho-down”

timber 13

Thanks, I guess?  Um, but, no thanks.

As you can see/hear, this video doesn’t make that much sense, and the song is kind of the worst.  I hate it.  But it’s so damn catchy, and now I kind of love it.  Why?  Because the world is a cruel, cold, terrible place, and because my favorite coworker (that’s right, even though she beats me up with highlighters) started singing it one day.  Then it got stuck in my head, and then we all started sing it but with a country twang, which vastly improved it.

Now it’s sort of an unofficial office joke, and also sort of our office anthem, unofficially.  But it’s funny how even a terrible song can become a good one under the right circumstances.



About MurasakiOkapi

Work has taken over a huge portion of my life in recent years, but I am trying hard to get back in the habit of being at least marginally creative on a semi-regular basis. Other than that, I'm a nature enthusiast and love all animals. I try to see things from many perspectives, and live on the sustainable side. I wouldn't say I'm a positive person, but at the same time I don't tend to get too down about things.
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