Children’s Letters to Santa

These are some children’s letters to Santa from our holiday event at work this year.  They are completely adorable, and also hilarious.

Be prepared for a ton of SIC sentences 🙂  My personal commentary will be below the letter, in purple

1.) Dear Santa,

Santa if you are rel pelis send my a prof.  [Santa, if you are real, please send me a proof.]

Your Friend, [name redacted]

Comments: For someone so bad at spelling, and therefore presumably so young, they’re awfully cynical.

2.) Dear Santa,

Thanks for visiting the [my place of employment]!! =)  I want a picture of a pitbull with a mustache please and thank you!! XOXO

Your Friend, [name redacted]

Comments: I’m a little disappointed, because as I reread this, I realized she wants a picture of A pitbull with a mustache.  I thought she meant this : 

this guy

this guy

3.) Dear Santa,

This year I would love to get a wii u.  If you have time a would like a fake mermaid tail with scales.  

Your friend, [name redacted]

Comments:  Yeah, I can see a wii u… the mermaid tail thing just made me groan, though.  I hate mermaids (no offense to them).

4.) Dear Santa,

How are you today?  If you can I would like an X-box one.  Also I would like a 2DS, and a trumpit oil, 55 inch flat screen tv.  Then a trip to Hawii for 3 weeks (or two it dosn’t matter) and a fathead poster of Matt Duchan!  And NO homework!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your friend, [name redacted]

Comments: Well, I’m glad they’re not too greedy and are willing to accept only two weeks in Hawaii (in addition to a pair of game consoles, a 55 inch tv (!) and whatever a trumpit oil is).

5.) Dear Santa,

You are nice to everyone in the town.  I like you.  How is Rudolph doing?  What is your fravrit [favorite] oolcer [color]?  Did you have fun swiming with the fish?  How is body [Buddy] the elf?  I hope you have a fantastick Christmas!  I had a great time watching you swiming with the fish!  

Your friend, [name redacted]

Comments: This child knows what’s up!  It’s all compliments, personal questions, well-wishes, and thanks.  Not a single selfish request in the mix.  Good on you, child and child’s parents!

6.) Dear Santa

I want to tell you that your not real.  Cirstmas [Christmas] is about the birth of Crist, Jesus [Christ, Jesus].

[name redacted]

[unintelligible scribbling]

P.S.  Tomarrow or the 25th is Jesus birthday.

Comments:  Ok, overly zealous parents.  Simmer down.  Santa’s not real, and technically yes, Christmas is about the birth of Christ.  If you want to teach your child the “true” meaning, go for it.  I’m personally all for NOT lying to your kids about faeries and elves and shit.  But don’t ruin it for other kids, and also why the hell did you come to a Christmas event titled and marketed as “Breakfast with Santa?”  Like, seriously, did you look at that and say, “Santa’s not real!  Let’s take Jr. to meet him so he can tell him that he’s a dude in a costume and everything that’s wrong with the holiday season!  That sounds like an excellent want to spend $34 a head!”

So, those letters are the best of the best, and I in no way intend to ridicule the children.  I just though the letters were enjoyable and unique!

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About MurasakiOkapi

Work has taken over a huge portion of my life in recent years, but I am trying hard to get back in the habit of being at least marginally creative on a semi-regular basis. Other than that, I'm a nature enthusiast and love all animals. I try to see things from many perspectives, and live on the sustainable side. I wouldn't say I'm a positive person, but at the same time I don't tend to get too down about things.
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