Things I Don’t Believe In (because I’m lazy)

So, there are things that people do to make their lives more orderly and bearable.  I, in my finite wisdom, refuse to do those things on the basis of a strict belief system.  And that belief system is: The less effort, the better.  Sometimes I justify these beliefs on pseudo-science, sometimes it’s the moral high-ground, and sometimes I remember my fundamental belief.

Disclaimer:  I know how to do all of these things perfectly well.  I’m a grown-up

In No Particular Order:

1.) Weeding.

Why would I even bother?  It’s primary succession.  Eventually my barren, wasteland of a  yard will become a beautiful forest of wonder.  That is, until the warning from the city comes, saying that if I don’t get rid of my 4 foot tall “weeds” they’ll give me a huge citation.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cobalt

I don’t believe in weeding

2.) Cooking

Why would I bother using the freshest ingredients when there are microwavable vegetables in my freezer, almost ready to go?  My idea of “cooking” is boiling noodles and sauce from a can.  I can’t taste a difference anyway.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/36940459@N06

Only cooking fancy things from scratch

3.) Interior decorating and design

I just don’t have any talent here.  And even if I did, I hate cleaning (although I do begrudgingly see the necessity of it).

My friends’ houses (practically):

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/manojmp

Interior design? Nope.

And my house:

source: ME.

More like a hoarder nest!

4.) Ironing

Yeah, yeah.  Wrinkles, unprofessional, starch….WHO CARES.  I don’t even own useful clothes to look professional.  I go home smelling like fish, poop, and children most days anyway.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/blindpuppetry

Why bother? They’re gonna get wrinkled anyway

5.) Pants (or trousers, if you’re so inclined)

The stupidest invention known to man.  Even when it’s cold, I just want to wear a t-shirt and my robe.  Pajama pants are the only marginally acceptable form of pant.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/inanimate

NOPE.

6.) Raking leaves

I have a big tree and a big yard.  This means lots of leaves.  I’ll sweep the leaves off the sidewalk so no one slips, but they are staying on the grass.  Unless the wind blows them away, in which case I don’t really care because those neighbors are jerks anyway.  Leaves are natural, no big deal.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/chiotsrun

more like free mulch!

7.) Shoes

I can see the point of shoes, but I own one pair of work shoes, one pair of sneakers, one pair of dress shoes (covered in mud for some reason), and some killer Little House on the Prairie boots.  High heels hurt and warp your feet into funny shapes.  Not worth it.  Also not worth it?  The price.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/chaparral

I’ll literally go barefoot anywhere. Shoes are a waste of money.

8.) Watering the lawn

Lawns are stupid.  I don’t want the neighbors in my yard having a picnic.  I also don’t want construction crews picnicking or napping on my lawn (it’s happened before).  I don’t run around barefoot in the green green grass -there’s glass and dog poop and stinging bugs in there.  Plus, it’s dry here so I get to say I’m conserving resources.  Added bonus: I subsequently don’t have to mow the lawn.

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/usachicago

This is a certified waste of water. Kids need to stay off my yard anyway!

And that’s where I stop because I ran out of ideas for now.

Credits:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chiotsrun         raking

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cobalt              weeding

http://www.flickr.com/photos/usachicago      watering

http://www.flickr.com/photos/chaparral         shoes

http://www.flickr.com/photos/inanimate        pants

http://www.flickr.com/photos/blindpuppetry ironing

http://www.flickr.com/photos/36940459@N06         cooking

http://www.flickr.com/photos/manojmp         interior design

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About MurasakiOkapi

Work has taken over a huge portion of my life in recent years, but I am trying hard to get back in the habit of being at least marginally creative on a semi-regular basis. Other than that, I'm a nature enthusiast and love all animals. I try to see things from many perspectives, and live on the sustainable side. I wouldn't say I'm a positive person, but at the same time I don't tend to get too down about things.
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